is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
