im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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