My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
