yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
