I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
