Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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