Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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