Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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