i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
