i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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