mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
