Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We got so high we made milksteak
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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