Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
