There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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