; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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