I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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