the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
