I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's always time for handjobs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
