i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I supernannyed him into submission
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
