why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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