Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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