First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
