Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love you. Go after that dick
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