i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
