i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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