Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
