you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
