it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
