quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
