I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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