Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
