Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think people are normalizing furries
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
