Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
