I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
