how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
