That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
