Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
