then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
