mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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