Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize