Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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