so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
