I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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