I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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