So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
