either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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