That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
