u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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