he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
how drunk are you?
Several
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
