I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
