I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
