I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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