so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
