Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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