I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize