Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
