I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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