if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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