had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
