i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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