I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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