Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
