Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
