I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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