i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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