So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
