There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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