I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
