Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
